Covering your broken heart with other people is like trying to sew up a gaping wound with a band-aid. When you take the band-aid off, the wound is still there. When the new person isn’t around anymore, your broken heart still will be. Don’t try to bandage your broken heart with another human being unless you want to keep bleeding.
In order to heal your broken heart, you have to heal it from within first. This means allowing yourself to feel it, which tends to be the last thing we want to do after getting our heart broken. We try to avoid our feelings any way possible. Thousands of dates with new men won’t make your feelings go away. It is true that time heals, but you can take healing into your own hands to speed up the process. We don’t have to stay in agony for as long as we tend to let ourselves. You have control over your healing, no matter what pain or trauma you may have gone through. You don’t have to sit around and wait for enough time to pass until you feel whole again. It’s time right now to take the journey of feeling whole, on my your own and on your own terms.
How do you get there? How do you heal a broken heart? There may not be a guaranteed way that works for every person since we all heal differently. We all process and experience emotions in different ways. However, I’ve included some of the things that have made the biggest difference when going through my own past heart breaks.
Allow yourself to feel your feelings.
It is time to stop avoiding your feelings like the plague. It may seem easier at first, but it doesn’t make them go away. It just makes them lodged down deeper and more difficult to heal later on. Give yourself time to feel your feelings. Cry, scream, punch a pillow. Do whatever you need to do to feel the feelings and let them out. The only way to release and heal them is let them be expressed first.
We tend to avoid our feelings because it hurts! It is human nature to avoid the things that bring us pain. Your subconscious is made to keep you safe. Yet the thing to remember is that this phase doesn’t last forever. I’m not encouraging you to continue to feel the feelings of the breakup for longer than you need to, but you don’t want to suppress them like we tend to do. You want to allow yourself to feel them and release them. Decide that you are going to overcome this and you are going to come back stronger than ever from this experience.
Stop contacting your ex boyfriend. Please, I am begging you to stop the dangerous cycle. I have been here and remember it so clearly. You think maybe if you text him just once, you’ll feel better. Maybe if you text to see how he’s doing, he will realize he was wrong for leaving and ask you to take him back. You’re terrified to stop all communication. I mean, what if you want to remain friends? Not right now, sister. The wound is too fresh. You are still hurting. Contacting your ex continually brings the pain back. In order to begin to let go, you gotta detach yourself and stop communication if at all possible. I understand that there are some circumstances where this isn’t possible, but you at least want to limit communication as much as you can. After my most devastating breakup in my early 20’s, I still had communication and even sometimes spent time with my ex for a year or so after the breakup. You know what it did? It prolonged my process of healing. It kept me stuck in a feeling of feeling broken, frustrated and alone so much longer than I needed to be. I don’t want that for you.
Focus on what lights you up.
During my early relationships, I was 100% guilty of losing myself when I was with the other person. I stopped going to Barnes and Noble for hours. I stopped writing in my journal and reading. I put myself last. So many of us do this when we are consumed by being in love. When you are in the process of healing, you need to find the things that once lit you up. What brings you joy? Focus on that. Be a constant seeker of happiness.
Take time for the things that you stopped doing when you were in a relationship. What are some of your signature things you love? One of my favorite things to do after a breakup is going on a road trip.
Get out of the house.
It’s easy to stay in when you’re hurting emotionally. All you want to do is stay in bed, under the covers, watching sad movies where no one can see you. Don’t do this to yourself. At least not for long. Get outside, breathe in fresh air. Ask your friends to go to lunch. No matter what you do, don’t take cover and never leave your house. Also, no. Work doesn’t count. You need more activity than that. You want to begin celebrating your freedom, celebrating this time to discover yourself again.
Start looking at the lessons.
Once some time has passed and the wound isn’t as fresh, start to look at what you can learn from the breakup. This is the point I submerged myself in self development. I could write all day about this step because it’s that important. This is the most time consuming step of all. What limiting beliefs did you have that showed up in the past relationship? Were you honoring yourself in the relationship? What lesson can you take from this experience? We dive a whole lot more into this in my course, but you can begin by asking yourself the questions I just mentioned. Start reading self development books or following those that inspire you.
Last and most importantly, just know that this won’t last forever. You may think it will, but if you take the journey of working on yourself and doing the inner work, you will begin to feel better soon. Not only will you feel better, but you will feel whole. You will feel full of love all on your own. You will know that you have your own back and you will get through anything life may through your way. When you feel complete on your own, everything in your life becomes better and you start to choose better for yourself too. It’s time for you to choose you!